Bullying in the world of Recreational Diving

Bully, Psychopath, or Narcissist? 
With a statistical population of 1% psychopaths, and between 5-10%, or more, narcissists of all types and levels [1], we can infer that at least one out of every ten people we encounter suffers from these conditions to some degree. Perhaps we don't know who they are or to what extent they suffer from these disorders, but they certainly exist.

Of course, many people are brusque, poorly mannered, socially awkward, have bad days, or give any number of excuses to rationalize behavior we might find unpleasant. However, for some of them, the reality is different; they suffer from the aforementioned disorders, and we generally label them as bullies.

They lack empathy and are capable of toxic behavior. They live with deep feelings of inadequacy and possess low self-esteem, which they hide by displaying completely opposite behaviors. They simulate overconfidence, show certainty in all their statements, vehemently defend their actions and procedures, and resort to arrogance to mask their shortcomings. In reality, although this might often sound exaggerated, these individuals are harmful, abusive, and aggressive. But they come off as charming, and third parties often don't understand what it's like to be the target of their malice or hidden agenda.

Looking at it coldly, the bullied are nothing more than their victims. Whether or not they acknowledge it, understand it, or care, the truth is that we're victims of the bully's behavior and undergoing situations that we shouldn't have to tolerate.

Narcissistic bullying is often covert. It disguises itself as care and assistance. The bully pretends to want the best for their victims, encircling them, cutting off escape routes, and crafting strategies that, at first glance, may not seem obvious (the boiled frog technique). Sometimes, it's a push-and-pull dynamic that may lead the victim to believe the abuser is just rude or ill-mannered, but the truth is much more sinister. In some cases, the victim might believe the abuse is in their head or that the mistreatment was worth it, rationalizing the bully's actions as reasonable or necessary and even feeling guilty or ungrateful for doubting their intentions (cognitive dissonance).

Most of the time, it's not easy to recognize when we're in this situation. But if someone's behavior stands out, the first step is to open our minds to the possibility that we are victims of bullying. Even if they claim to help us, their sole objective is to feed off us to compensate for their inadequacies.

But other times, it's clear. When threatened or feeling inferior, they drop the facade and turn to direct attacks, showing that mask of confidence they love to exhibit. Needing constant recognition, they genuinely believe they're special.

I'm not here advocating political correctness, avoiding hurt feelings, or refraining from pointing out mistakes. If we think differently, we should say so. However, discussions should be conducted with respect, manners, and valid reasoning.

Bullies in diving 
Divers are part of society; we're parents, children, spouses, neighbors, friends—young, old, healthy, sick. We are not a separate urban tribe isolated from the world's good and bad things. Therefore, bullying exists in our sport, often more than we'd like to believe. Otherwise, it wouldn't surprise us when someone calls out a bully, and we wouldn't constantly find excuses to give them one more chance after another.

Bullies (whether mere bullies, psychopaths, or narcissists) can be dive buddies, divers we meet on charters, dive professionals, or dive center operators. Remember, potentially one in ten people (or more) are bullies. Some present as unfriendly or grumpy but are more than that. Others try to impose their will in degrading, abusive ways. They demand acceptance, respect, and obedience. Our disagreement offends them; our suggestions insult them; our demands for better treatment are ridiculed.
They are beyond help. We can't fix them. The only option is to cut them out of our circles. They're dead weight that could lead us to abandon diving. They'll limit our future, keeping us trapped in their orbit. Without them, we'll thrive.

You may already suspect who these characters are, but many will go unnoticed. The most devious cover their strategies well. Be vigilant.

Those who genuinely want to share their experiences with you, to enjoy diving by your side, to learn from you, or to share their knowledge, will not impose themselves, mistreat you, or make you feel inadequate. On the contrary, they will seek to share passions and experiences in a healthy, desirable way for all.

Social media 
Social media is full of them. Of course, not everyone online is a bully, but it seems all the bullies are online. They speak louder and more frequently, controlling discussions and forcing their viewpoints on others. They're absolute in their judgments and harsh in their insults.

Umberto Eco [2] highlighted a troubling trend in social media, where the distinction between experts and charlatans is blurred, leading to the false legitimization of the latter's words. He cautioned, "[The drama of] the Internet [is that] it has promoted the village idiot to the level of truth-bearer." It's crucial to be aware of this phenomenon. Just because someone speaks loudly doesn't make them right. Instead, seek out verifiable sources of information, question, and analyze.
Bullies online are sarcastic, rude, filled with delusions of grandeur, and demand respect while offering none in return. They are surprised when we refuse to accept their solutions without hesitation and offended by our "apparent" ignorance of their truths.

It's important to recognize that this is a problem without a clear solution. Censorship is not the answer. Instead, we must exercise caution and avoid engaging with online bullies. Arguing with them is not only a waste of time but also plays into their hands and bores others. The best course of action is to simply ignore them.


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[1] * Ana Sanz, Clara Gesteira, Jesús Sanz, María Paz, Prevalence of Psychopathy in the General Adul Population: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis, National Library of Medicine, https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8374040/. * Abigail Marsh, PhD, American Psycological Association, https://www.apa.org/news/podcasts/speaking-of-psychology/psychopathy. * Jasmine Kaziauskas, 1 in 22 people is psuchopath here's how you can spot them, New York Post, https://nypost.com/2023/07/08/1-in-22-people-is-a-psychopath-heres-how-you-can-spot-them/. * etc. 

[2] Umberto Eco was a renowned contemporary Italian writer and philosopher. You might know him for some of his works, such as The Name of the Rose and Foucault's Pendulum. A film adaptation of The Name of the Rose was made, with Sean Connery playing the role of a thoughtful investigator who must solve a series of murders in a 14th-century Franciscan monastery.